Word Counts:751
Nowadays, the world is busy working on the gender equality problem. Without the gender equality, this world is not harmonious. However, according to United Nations Development Programme, “No society treats its women as well as men.” In general, women always have lower social status than men have so that women are definitely living tougher than men since women are usually more vulnerable than men on physical condition. Although women are not as strong as men looks like, it is unfair that some people say women are not valuable as men. Meanwhile, some occupations in the world, for example, nurse, is obviously designed for women since women are always more careful than men and it can lead a serious consequence for nurse this job by making a tiny mistake. As a result, gender equality is something suppose to exist in our society, but this world extremely lacks it.
Living in the U.S, women and men are basically equal due to the fact that America is a country mostly working on the freedom to the people in this country. However, in some other countries, such as India and Nigeria, women are not so fortunate as American since their country are busying working on economics problems rather than gender problems. As a result, women in India have lower status than men because of their less application than men have. Women in India are suffering unfair treatment such as little schooling. According to Foundation for Sustainable Development (FSD), “only 54 percent of Indian women are literate as compared to 76 percent of men.” In India, migration is required in Rajasthan, a state in western India, because men need to go abroad to earn income for family. Meanwhile, women are commonly left behind to care and provide for the entire household, this situation consequences a 30 percent lower average wage of women to men in India. Since men mostly work and earn the money in India, women have only few application such as marrying young and birth babies. Because of the simple application, women typically are the last member of a household to eat and the last to receive medical attention. Also, due to women can not have even equal social status as men in India, female infanticide exist in India and this cruel behavior leads a consequence that for every 1,000 males living in Rajasthan there were only 922 women in Rajasthan, 2001. “Having sons is economically advantageous to families due to cultural institutions; these institutions serve to drastically devalue the roles women play in the traditional society” (FSD).
India is a country that women can hardly live happy lives in, however, India is not the only one country that treat badly to human rights of women, Nigeria, a developing country in Africa, has the same gender discrimination problem as India. In this country, women are always considered as the second class people behind men in society for very long time. Same period in Nigeria, women do not have their own rights and voice at all, most men see the Nigerian woman as a gateway to child bearing, sexual satisfaction and orgasm. While suffering the helplessness in their motherland, women are not even under any protection of the law in this country. According to Women In Oil Corporation (WIO), “Nigerian employment laws do not favor or protect women at all with most unable to get a job if married and laws on maternity rights are not enforced. Unlike the US and most developed countries, the Nigerian system does not offer systemic help for women in business loans, training, education or even household maintenance.” As it is shown, women in Nigeria are like instruments more then whole human beings.
India and Nigeria these two countries typically show the most miserable women in the world--they are poor, lack human rights, and live the toughest lives all around the world. According to the World Developing Report, women have 52 percent of female labor force participation rates in 2009 while men labor force participation rates is 78 percent for the whole world, and this number of women labor is increasing each year. It is impossible to say women can not work as efficient as men, to extend it, women should have the same social status as men in some countries such as India and Nigeria which can not provide the status and protection of women’s human rights. Our world need women because they provide the global balance with men.
This draft matches our plan to have you write about gender equality in India and Nigeria. The whole draft engage our audience but need more SUP and DEV. For example, you can use more examples to support the thesis and also can use some examples to related to the UDHR. That may let the thesis much stronger.
ReplyDeleteI personally think that this is a good draft. However i think this is not engaging enough to the audience. Since this is a webzine assignment not research paper, i think you should tone down your essay. Overall this is very good, very informative and your topic is very interesting :)
ReplyDeleteI'm confused with your introduction, I don't think your statement is reasonable. The example of nurse seems not much match your topic. Being a nurse is not a discrimination on women. Better to develop your introduction and think about your thesis. For your body paragraphs, it's good to compare India and Nigeria with US, however it is better to start your topic sentence with the country on which you focus.
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